Most Americans subscribe to a religion—Christian, Muslim, Jew, Hindu, etc. With those subscriptions come admonishments to forgive, but how many actually can do what is required to actually forgive?

And even amongst those who can forgive, how many can truly let go and keep on forgiving year after year after year?

Perhaps representing the universal sentiment of forgiveness, Mahatma Ghandi once said “You can ask me to forgive, but if you ask me to forget, you are asking me to give up my experiences.”

Ghandi, a man recognized as an agent of peace, was all about forgiving, but still held on to the experience and refused to intentionally forget.

But how many of us have actually internalized the true meaning of the word forgiveness?

What the words of Ghandi actually dictate is that we hold on to the experience that required forgiveness so that it may shield us from repeating it, but clearly, it is in the best interest of our emotional health to forgive.

Perhaps some dear friend has committed a crime of distrust.

Or, perhaps a family member has committed a crime of deceit, theft, or mistrust.

And, for those of us who love, a lover may have committed a crime of infidelity.

Let’s discuss the last one for a moment.

How many of us have relationships that were killed because we could not forgive?

Instead of forgiving the person and allowing them to have a second chance, many of us choose to move on and take a new chance with a stranger who may repeat the offense or commit a new one. An old saying goes: “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.”

Think about it: A lover has a lapse of judgement that brings you pain. But perhaps the lapse really was a lapse and will never occur again. Is it really worth the time and effort required to leave and start anew, taking yet another chance on someone new who may hurt you in new and different, or even worse ways?

A friend has a moment of weakness and betrays your trust or cheats you. But the moment of weakness may dictate that the friend really needs you, and seeing him or her through that moment may make your friendship stronger and that person whole.

A close family member cheats you or steals money from you. In the end, you weren’t put out badly and the loved one absolutely needed the money. Perhaps it changed or even saved their life and they are now carrying the resulting guilt and would never repeat the transgression.

Published in : Op-Ed, The Bridge