The absentee community father is so elusive that many of us—men and women—have no idea what a man is supposed to be. So we act foolish and accept foolishness, often aligning ourselves with men who are nearly women—not homosexuals, but virtual asexuals—effeminate and retiring, looking for direction and needing to be controlled. These are the men who date strong women and allow themselves to be dominated and controlled, leading to bizarre relationships that can neither be duplicated nor sustained.

White society is also suffering from an abundance of fatherless homes. The difference is that they can still look around and see their community father in the White House, in the boardroom and appearing to be orchestrating all things important in society.

The Black community father is hard to find and many of us pretend that he is even harder to find than he is.

These things having been said, there are still Black fathers in our midst. In addition, there are fathering men among us who are clear about what is best for the women and children in our lives, even if they are not our wives and offspring.

My brothers and my closest friends are community fathers, going out of their way to be good examples of the best of our previous generation no matter what the cost.

Denzel Washington, Chuck D and now, Will Smith are community fathers in entertainment, standing strong and true to beautiful images of Black male strength, no matter what the cost.

Cornell West, Naim Akbar and Michael Eric Dyson are community fathers of intellect, standing strong and true to the beauty of the Black psyche, no matter what the cost.

Barack Obama is one of our shining community fathers in politics.

The millions of Black men who raise children who are not biologically theirs are community fathers, extending the African village by miles.

Brothers, if we expect our manchildren to grow into productive, strong men, we have to show them what that looks like and how to grow into an example we can live out for them.

If we expect our female children of the community to grow unbound beyond the lack of influence from the community father, we have to provide that same example as fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins and community members.

It may not always feel good to be the example, but we have to exist. And it may not always feel good when community fathering is shown to us, but we have to accept it

Part of each man’s contribution to community fatherhood is to praise manly behavior and deride bad behavior—even when it appears in our own lives.

Many of us are looking for Daddy.

Some of us search for all our lives.

Really, Daddy isn’t that hard to find.

Darryl James n is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at .

Published in : Op-Ed, The Bridge