The Jenesse Center is the oldest and most respected domestic violence organization for Black women in the city of Los Angeles. It’s battered women shelters and family protection programming are services of great renown and offer women and children the opportunity to get new starts in their unstable lives. Not many groups do “God’s work” in the way they do, so it’s important to hold them up in high esteem and defend them against any assaults of esteem of their clients and supporters. Why? Because domestic violence often begins with verbal assaults on a woman’s self-esteem, but evolve into continual psychological and physical attacks on their persons that do lifelong damage. So when the Jenesse Center holds its annual fundraiser, it’s “Silver Rose” luncheon, the community turns out in masse. Oscar winning Actress, Halle Berry, has adopted the agency and become its spokesperson, as an extraordinary example of a woman being able to shine in the aftermath of domestic violence, overcoming her own history of abusive relationships. The Silver Rose luncheon takes on an air of celebrity as women (and men) of all walks of life come together to recognize those in the community who do good works and to raise money to sustain the program.

This year, Halle leveraged her Hollywood contacts to the hilt and brought in late night TV host and comedian, Jay Leno, to conduct a live auction. Leno is respected for his charity work and the community appreciated him being there. And, as with all comedians, you never know what you’re gonna get in terms of what they think is humorous or funny. Comedian/borderline “crazy” funny-woman, Wanda Sykes was Mistress of Ceremonies, so you kind of expected the unexpected given Sykes’ brand of humor. However, she was quite tame (relatively speaking)—maybe in deference to the occasion, or the cause. It was Leno who stole the moment—and not for the best thing he could have been known for. Leno was in rare form making fun of Michael Jackson, and other things Black people tend to laugh at. But when the live auction began in the passion of trying to get more money from a wealthy, well connected female bidder, Leno asked a male bidder, “You’re not going to let that b*tch out bid you, are you?” It was a moment that both he and the audience knew was totally inappropriate. If you’ve never seen 500 women’s face freeze at one moment, it really not a good thing. It’s kinda of a glazed “deer in headlights look” where you can see them thinking...and asking themselves “did he just say what I thought he said” or “did he just call that woman a ...?” That look is usually following with some act of aggression, as the “B” word, even more then the “N” word, tends to evoke a mad and violent reaction out of most Black women. Jay recognized his mistake immediately (turning beet red in the process) and tried to play it off (a joke about how he watched “Cheaters” so he knows how Black women “kick ass”) but he was luckier that 500 bidding paddles weren’t thrown at his a** as that’s the type of knee-jerk reaction that word provokes. There is never an “appropriate” time to call a woman a b*tch, not even in jest, but to use the word at a domestic violence fundraiser, where the audience is highly sensitized of acts of verbal and psychological abuse, was even more outrageous.

Women who have been abused know the word as cue that the assault is about to begin, first on their self-esteem, just before the fisticuffs start flying and their physical person is assaulted. It was tough to sit there and digest this. The only reason I’m not going bombastic on Jay Leno, is because he was there doing some good and he wasn’t trying to be (I don’t believe) vicious in the way Michael Richards was or benignly ignorant in the way Don Imus claimed to be. Jay Leno hangs out with Black people on a regular basis so he understands racial (and religious) sensibilities. In the context of comedy, we understand that comedy, like tragedy, has no limits. But as he found out a couple weeks ago, all Blacks aren’t like Kevin Eubanks—we don’t laugh at everything. So, here is where we begin the re-education of Jay Leno about Black people, in general, and Black women in particular. With Mother’s Day on the way, we all have a need to reinforce the love that was have for our mothers, sisters and daughters. What better time to discuss our respect for women, in the context of law number one—never disrespect—on Mother’s Day. Not even jokingly.

Calling any woman, particularly an abused woman (of any race) a b*tch is as cruel as eating in front of a starving person, hitting a person in handcuffs, giving shoes to a person with no feet or sending a calendar to an innocent man sentenced to life. You have to be real unconscious to let your mind slip like that. Or real ignorant. It’s hard to paint Jay Leno as ignorant because of the point made earlier, so that leaves him as being unconsciously careless. I’m sure he wouldn’t be as careless if it was his mother, daughter or sister. Let’s focus on mothers, beginning with Jay’s mother, for a moment. If another comedian was on stage, and Jay’s mother was that woman bidder (knowing how rich his father and mother probably are), how would Jay have felt if that comedian had called his mother, a b*tch? Well, let’s just say that if he had called my mother a b*tch, there would have been so f*ckin’ fighting up in there. In fact, based on some of the women that I knew were in the audience—had he picked the wrong one, there would have been some f*ckin fighting up in there. So, he was really kinda lucky that time and space worked in his favor on this particular occasion. Jay Leno must always be conscious of whom he’s talking to, and cautious as to what he talks about if he’s going to help disenfranchised people. Jay Leno must re-educate himself if he’s going to play the role of Good Samaritan. He must do it in total sincerity. Then his good works are perceived as real. His careless mistake (and some women don’t think it was a mistake because it came out of his mouth too easy—you know, women know abusers when they see ‘em) at the Jenesse fundraiser gives the impression he was there just doing a friend a favor. Jay Leno raised more than $30,000 (the final count is not in) for the Jenesse Center and this commentary is not to take away from the good he actually did. It is to point out that the bad shouldn’t outweigh the good, and calling a woman a b*tch, in front of 800 people, negates the good Leno was there to do. I mean, is the charity supposed to be glad he showed up, take the money AND ignore the insult?

Published in : Op-Ed, Between The Lines

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