You ever reach a point in your life where you're just, 'What the hell do I want out of my life?' Yeah, well, I hit that point recently and it wasn't enjoyable at all. I found myself in this all too familiar place that I keep returning to. I'm tired of it!
It seems that whenever I hit a comfortable stride in my life, I trip over something. That something is usually the same question, 'What are you going to do with the rest of your life?' I had an answer, but now, it's starting to sound like some generic, default phrase of the day.
I work hard to create a nice routine for myself. A perfect little bubble where I work, I play, I laugh, I talk, I go to sleep and repeat the next day, week, month, year etc. Nowadays, my world is being disturbed with doubts about where I want to be, what I want to do, if that's what's right for me and every other question in between, upside down, horizontal and backwards.
Maybe I'm just freaking out to life knocking at my door more loudly than usual. My life has moved at a slower pace than most and as a result, I've been able to stroll about casually. It seems like now, I'm finding I have to run, hike, climb, stumble and fall. I don't like stumbling and falling because then I get dirt on my face. I don't like having dirt on my face.
Recently, I had a recurring theme presented in my life. I was constantly being bombarded by these themes like: facing my fears, doing something outside my comfort zone, trying things that scared me. Anybody that's really close to me knows, I like to keep my life simple and controlled. I'm not looking to add any extra stress, sweat or worry to my brow. I don't feel like myself when I'm in that zone.
To make it even more bothersome, I'm beginning to think that maybe, there's an undiscovered person in that zone. Time and time again, I have found that when I put my trust in God and entered the unknown, I've exceeded my expectations. I have a fear of messing up, but I've learned that when and if I do, the world doesn't come to an end. It actually just begins.
I believe and know all things work together for good to those that love and follow the Lord. If the Lord has said that to me and to all who believe, how can we do anything but win and achieve? Although it seems there's a large unknown zone ahead for me, I've decided I owe it to myself to walk through it and not around it. I'm going to go one step at a time. I don't know what's going to happen but I know who's holding my hand.
Maybe... it's ok if I get a little dirt on my face.