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I Woke with a Smile
I woke with a smile, just a general feeling of happiness; I knew today would be grand. We decided to sleep in, watch television; I fixed her eggs-over hard, she said I was a good man, the kind that could woe and cleanse her heart. I held her long past noon, dozing off and on until hunger loomed. We showered, massaged oil over each others bodies, and ran errands while holding hands, a simple day yet memorable over a life span. She sat quietly for a moment while I prepared our evening meal. Then we both complained about work and what tomorrow would yield.
We shared a lazy day, yet accomplished growth in the sense of relations. I felt like letting my guard down had been the correct choice accompanied by comfort and stimulation. Then my phone rang and she questioned me, alerting my reservations. We had those conversations, I have nothing to hide, and yes it was a woman, an erstwhile, someone whom no longer held my time. Her energy changed and I realized that her confidence was dated; she must have left it with another man, hidden and sedated.
Ms. Lady, I am here for you, yet I will not live under emotional ties. Trust me as I trust you and leave the past behind. That seemed to concur the moment and again we shared cloud nine. More days then passed and even a few lustful nights, then she had a dream and questioned me about a particular scene. I know what that means; her subconscious has plagued her internal being. Now her conscious thoughts constantly intervene.
What should I do? Often times it is the man who instills confidence in his woman, or so I have seen. I told my self that I would help her, but what does that mean? I cut off my friendships with women and when they ask why, I explain that I am no longer on the scene, even the plutonic friendships that were never a threat to her or me. Again, what does that mean? A few days of sunshine between us even though the weather was bad, while we are walking out of the grocery store I notice a pretty girl with an appealing swag. Now again, Ms. Lady is mad. She offered aggressive conversation at a high pitch with an angry tone, sounds like an argument to me yet you told me that looking was an act that was condoned.
I noticed the pattern; either there is euphoria within your stare or a grimace along with a glare. I will not dwell within a blueprint that represents the blues, while walking over egg shells in heavy soled shoes. So I will offer myself as the truest gift of sincerity, and time will prove if we are to reside within common joy or disparity.
The love I see in you is grand, I know perfection is not cultivated by a single hand yet I would be foolish to share blissful moments that are always coated by a lack of security because your emotions have been tainted by another man. I will not force happiness, and I will not run from what I should have. If my life is to be shared with you, I will cherish us and not look back.
So understand that your insecurities need to fade, I will try and help you yet only if my smile is not blocked by your shade.