There was an ignorant email going around right after Barack Obama was elected to the White House.
The email was from a Black woman, announcing to Black men that if they use Obama as a shining example, they can realize that it is possible for Black men to be successful and still have a Black woman on their side.
On its face, the email seems harmless. The pretense is a celebration of President Obama and the love he shares for his wife. But, the underlying message of the email is that he is rare in being a successful Black man and loving a Black woman.
That underlying message is wrong and problematic indeed.
The most essential problem with the message was that Black men have never believed that it wasn't "okay" to have a Black woman on their side when achieving success. In fact, most successful Black men who are married are actually married to Black women. According to the latest Census statistics, 95% of all Black men who are married are married to Black women.
The only people who are obsessed with the Black man's alleged pursuit of the white woman are white man, and now, sadly, Black women.
The 95% of Black men who are married to Black women represent a shrinking portion of the overall population. Black men are still marrying Black women, but fewer of us are getting married.
Frankly, we're losing because so many Americans have become hyper-materialistic, lazy and shallow.
The above indictment includes men, but many American women refuse to take the weight for the changes they have made. If anyone dares to outline those changes, they are accused of "blaming the victim."
Who are the real victims?
The Black Love that has taken up residence in the White House should be celebrated. But, if we flip that ignorant email on its head, there is, however, a great message that can be garnered from Michelle Obama's existence as First Lady.
That message is to Black women and women of all colors in America who have been duped by feminist propaganda.
The message is simple: A successful man wants, needs and will be buoyed by a woman like Michelle Obama.
Instead of focusing on the erroneous message of Black men abandoning Black women, any woman would do well to focus on the real issue, which is: "What kind of woman does a successful man want?"
The simple answer is: "A woman like Michelle Obama."
Ask a successful man who is divorced or never married what he needs and he will tell you that he needs a woman to support his dream, to provide him with unwavering love and a commitment through any challenges that may come.
And before the ignorant brigade begins to march, remember that I said ask a "successful man," not a woman. Women have been speculating far too much about what men want, but men actually know what we want.
Anyone care to listen?
Let's take a look at who Michelle Obama is and what she has done to be in the enviable position of First Lady.
First, we know from friends of Michelle that she was never a woman who pursued "sexual freedom." In other words, whatever she did with other men won't be coming to light, because she was a lady who didn't think that being promiscuous was equal to freedom just because "men did it."
Second, we know that she wasn't a woman who talked about men being "beneath her level." She didn't care about who was on what level. We know this because when she met the skinny man who would become her husband and our president, she helped him get a job instead of looking down on him for not having one.
And, we know that she wasn't so career-minded that she wanted to delay family. She created a plan with her man that allowed them both to be successful as a team, while raising a family. Imagine that.
But the other thing we know about Michelle Obama is that she has supported her husband from day one-from when he was nothing until he was the leader of the free world.
And we know that she comes with no excuses-with no perm, she stays in the gym to keep that beautiful physique very much intact. Not that a perm is bad, but having no perm at all trumps the women who gain weight because they don't want to go to the gym and sweat out their "do."
What man wouldn't want a woman like Michelle?
After all, Michelle comes free of relationship propaganda.
At the end of the day, when the leader of the free world comes home, please believe he does not want to hear about how men are dogs, lazy, beneath the level of women or in any other way, horrible creatures. What he wants is some love and affection, some comfort and security in the woman he loves and who loves him.
Sadly, far too many American women think that being a strong woman means being argumentative (standing up for themselves), selfish (refusing to share even the cost of a date) and unaffectionate (not wanting to be touched the "at the wrong time," because sex is often confused with affection) and unable to commit ("I don't have to take this...").
The above list of things that many American women believe make them strong actually comes from other American women and rarely are spoken by American men.
In other words, many American women have turned themselves into something that American men simply do not desire, yet complain about how many American women are growing older without spouses or children.
It's not that I don't feel for them, it's just a case of the chickens coming home to roost.
Seriously, let's be grownups for a moment.
It's okay for a woman to truly not care about being single if the men she finds don't want who she is. But it's not okay to pretend that men should change to accommodate the choices that many "successful" women have made. What else could result from women deciding that they would pursue life in the footsteps of men?
It's one thing to pursue success. It's quite another to pretend that such success "intimidates" men, or to spend so much time pursuing that career that romance, marriage and family are placed on hold until it's too late to have a family and too discomforting to enter into the kind of compromising required in a marriage.
Think about it-many of the women who are older and unmarried talk about "not settling," "needing someone on their level," and how "men want too much domestically." These statements are indicative of not being willing to compromise.
A great deal of things have been said about Michelle Obama. Not all of them are pretty.
While American men who know what they want and need in a relationship dream of a Michelle clone, some of the things that American women are saying are not so very nice. Some say she is actually not that pretty. That BS falls from the lips of too many women who were probably the same women who made such ignorant, evil statements about Denzel Washington's wife.
Again, being real-they wouldn't dare say that if she were in the same room.
But if you ask the average American man about Michelle Obama, he will tell you about how much he wants to find a woman just like her-a beautiful, smart , successful, strong woman who is down for her man.
Ladies, it's not that complicated-if you want a man like Barack, you must be a woman like Michelle.
Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology "Notes From The Edge." He released his first mini-movie, "Crack," and will soon release his first full-length documentary. View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at