At 24, life was good for Pam. She was close to her family and an active part of her church and community. She had worked hard to get through nursing school and was glad to be back home.
Pam attended the block party the week after she finished nursing school because that’s just what was expected of her.
Her parents wouldn’t hear of her going off to hang out with her friends if she didn’t check in with them first. Besides, they wanted to introduce her to a nice young man.
Pam was in the prime of her life and her parents wanted her to have the same happiness they found in each other. They met and married while in their early twenties.
Life was quite nice for Adam at 28. He had a respectable career and his own home, but most importantly, he had strong family ties.
Adam hated block parties as much as he detested the church picnics his mother made him go to. But he loved his mother, so he was an active member of the church and sometimes, even planned the picnics.
He was enjoying three days off of his job as a mail carrier and wanted to relax and party, but he also wanted to keep his mother from being upset with him.
So, he went to the block party. And, he was happy he went when he met Pam, who was initially, just as bored as he was.
Pam’s mother had spoken to Adam when he was delivering mail to their home one day. Thinking that he would make a good match for her daughter, she asked his mother to make certain that he was at the block party.
The two mothers were beaming with pride when their children met and liked each other.
Adam and Pam dated each other.
He took her out for lunch.
She prepared a picnic for the two of them.
They went to the museum and attended church together.
But more importantly, they talked to each other.
They learned each other.
Each was genuinely interested in the other’s thoughts, feelings and plans for the future. The more time they spent together and the more they talked, the discussions went from what they wanted as individuals to what they wanted as a couple.
And they became a couple, focusing on more than the natural chemistry that began to draw them together through sexual desires, which were based more on love than lust and bonding more than just hooking up.
Before and after the sexual relationship began, Pam and Adam paid attention to the other parts of each other-mental, emotional and life desires.
For them, friendship was first, but partnership was always. And when they fell in love, they made plans together, each giving a little in order to be good to and for the other.
They grew together.
But this was a different day and a different time.
A time before the so-called sexual revolution, which was not about evolution, but about more people having more sex and less love and/or understanding to go along with it.
This was a time before socialization and civilization became overly sexually charged, with music, television and movies pushing too much erotica into the atmosphere without very much information about love or even about how to handle lust.
A time before preteens were objectified and shepherded into sex and sexuality before maturity and understanding.
A time before love became sex and sex became plentiful and connections became fleeting.
This was a time before pills to make things harder and/or longer or pills to make things wetter, all in the absence of pills to cure a big disease with a little name.
A time before conflict and contradiction, before the masses began to claim to be holding on to morals and traditions, but only when they do not hold them back from being immoral for the sake of being immoral, or for the sake of pissing on tradition, or for no real reason, and yet with nothing new to offer in place of what has been abandoned.
This time of Pam and Adam was an age of more responsibility, before the majority of failures looked externally for scapegoats instead of internally for self-analysis, enlightenment and improvement.
That external search allowed poor behavior to be justified based on finger-pointing and non-martyred, irrelevant victimhood, keeping nearly everyone at odds—men against women and women against men, with each side blaming the other, using rumors, lies and conjecture, trusting what they hear and what they see, which isn’t really ever what it appears to be, as opposed to trusting what can be proven, which may not feel that good to know and/or to hear.
Pam and Adam’s age was an age of mostly togetherness, love and happiness based on tradition and cooperation, before the age of disconnection, mostly hate and sadness, based on confusion, lies and selfishness.
This was a time of families, of husbands and of wives.
This was a time before the majority of men and women in society became whores.
Darryl James n is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at